Advice on sex … from a Buddhist monk?

(CNN) – Could the advice of an ancient Buddhist monk help you improve your sex life? That’s the implication of “The book of passion: A Tibetan Guide to Love and Sex “, originally written in 1938 by the Tibetan Buddhist monk Gendun Chopel.

This collection of short and sensual poems also serves as a lighthearted and explicit guide to sex.

“Gendun Chopel became a Buddhist monk when he was a teenager, but renounced his vows, including the vow of celibacy, when he was 30 years old,” explains his biographer Donald S. Lopez Jr., who with his co-translator Thupten Jinpa, has led the book to contemporary readers. “As a result, ‘The Book of Passion’ is filled with the exuberance of someone discovering for the first time the long-forbidden joys of lovemaking.”

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This excitement extends to beautiful verses such as: “As long as the horse of the senses turns wild / And has the power to enter the land of passion / You should trust the enjoyment of lust.”

But Gendun Chopel’s intuition goes beyond poetry. The book is divided into chapters such as “Acts of kisses”, “Describing modes of pleasure”, “Playing with the organ” and “Various methods of copulation”. It views sexual pleasure as a human right and emphasizes the importance of consent and equality for women, a view that seems natural in today’s #MeToo movement.

Bringing Mindfulness to the Bedroom

Reading “The Book of Passion” reminded me of the importance of conscience in sexual relationships. Although what the West considers “mindfulness” is a much more simplistic version of Gendun Chopel’s Tantric Buddhism, it can be a good starting point for couples who want to instill more focus and passion in their sex lives.

“Mindfulness can be described as the present moment, non-judgmental awareness,” explained sex therapist Rachel Needle. “It is when we pay attention on purpose and deliberately. And it is about how we pay attention, without prejudice and with compassion towards ourselves.”

But can mindfulness practice bring awareness to the bedroom, as well as to the meditation cushion? Yes he says Lori A. Brotto, executive director of the Women’s Health Research Institute in British Columbia. Her research has shown that mindfulness to sexual activity can be helpful in a variety of situations, including compulsive sexual behaviors, intrusive sexual thoughts, sexual aversion, low desire, chronic genital pain, and erectile dysfunction.

“Mindfulness allows us to tune in to sexual sensations more intensely during arousal,” Brotto said. “People can choose to pay attention to the contact points between their body and their partner. They can open their eyes and notice visual sensations. They can tune in to their own heart rate when excited. And they can capture the mind when it is distracted. in her thoughts and guide her into her body and her breath. “

From a neuroscience perspective, mindfulness can have long-lasting cognitive effects, he said. Heidi crockett, Certified Sexuality Educator. “Mindfulness strengthens executive function, the part of the brain that ‘thinks to think,’ and helps us overcome automatic responses,” he explained in an email. “It also improves executive skills such as response flexibility (being able to pause between impulse and action) and fear modulation (unlearning a fear). These skills can be translated directly into the bedroom,” he said.

Like any new skill, mindfulness takes practice. “In our eight-week group program, we guide participants through a body scan, breath awareness or attention to thoughts,” Brotto explained in an email. “We do an exercise to adapt to emotional or physical pain. After four weeks of constant practice, we began to progressively integrate these exercises into sexual activities: first alone (synchronizing a body scan with touch) and then with a partner (focusing on sensations) “.

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If you want to incorporate mindfulness into your sex life, you don’t need to take a class, but you should start outside the bedroom. “It is important to practice mindfulness outside of sexual settings to develop muscle memory, so to speak,” advised sex therapist Sara Nasserzadeh. “You could start by breathing inside your body to see what you don’t like and how you feel comfortable. Concentrating on each direction while you bathe, walk, and even eat, all contribute to sharpen your senses and strengthen your muscles. mindfulness, “he explained.

By using these techniques and further enhancing the ideas in the Book of Passion, you can increase passion and intensity with your partner, what Gendun Chopel calls: “finding the bliss of heaven in your bed.” As Brotto puts it, “Mindful sex is the key to mind-blowing sex. The gratification and enjoyment of sex are simply not possible without mindfulness.”

This note was originally published in 2018

Ian Kerner is a CNN licensed sex therapist, writer, and contributor.