(CNN) – Pop superstar Lady Gaga spoke about the lasting pain and trauma of being sexually assaulted as a teenager. She revealed that she suffered a “total psychotic break” years after her alleged rapist left her pregnant.
The Grammy Award-winning singer, whose real name is Stefani Germanotta, recalled her heartbreaking experience in an emotional appearance on the premiere episode of “The Me You Can’t See,” a new documentary series co-created by Prince Harry and Oprah Winfrey that aims to address the stigma around mental health.
Gaga spoke through tears as she recounted the moment when an anonymous producer demanded that she remove her clothes before threatening to burn her music.
“I was 19 years old and working in the business, and a producer told me, ‘Take off your clothes,'” he recalled.
“I told him no. And I left, and they told me they were going to burn all my music. And they did not stop. They kept asking me, and then I froze and just … I don’t even remember.
Gaga said she will not name her alleged attacker. “I understand this #Metoo movement, I understand that some others are really comfortable with this, and I don’t, I don’t want to face that person ever again.
“This system is so abusive, it is so dangerous.”
Lady Gaga: “I had a total psychotic break”
According to the creator of such hits as “Poker Face,” she was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PSTD) years later, after going to the hospital for chronic pain. He made his diagnosis public in 2016.
“First, I was in total pain, then I was numb. Then I was sick for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks afterward, ”she explained. “And I realized that it was the same pain that I felt when the person who raped me got me pregnant on the corner, at my parents’ house, because I was vomiting and I felt sick. Because I had been abused, I was locked in a studio for months. “
“The way I feel when I am in pain is how I felt after I was raped,” she said. ” I have had so many MRIs and scans. They find nothing, but your body remembers.
Gaga said everything came to a head with a collapse from which it took years to recover.
“I had a total psychotic break, and for a couple of years, I was not the same girl,” she revealed. During that period, around 2018 to 2019, she canceled a number of concert dates on her Joanne World tour.
He also won an Oscar, he noted, adding: “Nobody knew.”
Other revelations from Lady Gaga about her mental health
Gaga also spoke about having impulses to self-harm: “It is a really very real thing to feel that there is a black cloud following you wherever you go, telling you that you are useless and that you must die.” And I used to scream and throw myself against the wall.
The singer said: “Do you know why it is not good to cut yourself? Do you know why it is not good to throw yourself against the wall? Do you know why self-harm is not good? Because it makes you feel worse. You think you’re going to feel better because you’re showing someone, ‘Hey look, it hurts.’ It doesn’t help. I always tell people ‘Tell someone, don’t show someone.’
Now 35, Gaga said her healing process involves “trying to make sure I give back with that experience, rather than, I don’t know, blocking her from walking away and pretending.”
His road to recovery is “a slow climb,” he said. Even if I have a brilliant six months, all it takes is a trigger once to feel bad. And when I say feel bad, I mean wanting to cut myself, thinking about dying, wondering if I ever will.
Where to seek help?
The following organizations provide confidential support to victims of rape and sexual assault:
RAINN, the National Rape, Abuse and Incest Network: 1-800-656-4673
National Suicide Prevention Line: 1-800-273-TALK
For assistance outside of the US, the International Association for Suicide Prevention provides a global directory of international resources and hotlines. You can also turn to Befrienders Worldwide.
In the United Kingdom
Rape Crisis: http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk
The Survivors Trust: 08088 010818
The Samaritans (24-hour hotline): 116123
In Latin America
Argentina: Suicide prevention line – online suicide help (54-11) 5275-1135 or 135 from Buenos Aires and GBA
Bolivia: Telephone of hope – La Paz: 2248486
Brazil: Valorização da Vida Center, CVV. Telephone 188.
Chile: Telephone of hope – +56 42221200
Colombia: Telephone of Hope – +571 323 24 25
For more countries and cities click here.