Parents don’t think their kids are as grateful as they should be, according to survey

(CNN) – Some parents need the season of giving thanks to come quickly this year. Four out of five parents who responded to a survey from the University of Michigan Health They say that today’s children are not grateful enough.

Parents who responded to the survey say they are teaching their children the magic words, “please and thank you.” However, when it comes to actions on words, children – and parents – could fall short, said Sarah Clark, a research scientist at the University of Michigan and co-director of the survey.

Almost all parents say that it is possible to teach gratitude to children, and three-quarters of parents say that teaching gratitude is a priority. The most common ways parents teach children gratitude are “please and thank you,” followed by enforcing chores. Just over a third of parents use strategies like donating toys or clothes and saying a prayer of thanks.

“My hope is that a survey like this will make some parents stop and think, ‘Are we having a purpose in teaching our kids how to be thankful?'” Clark said.

The national sample includes parents of children aged 4 to 10 years. The CS Mott Children’s Hospital at the University of Michigan conducts monthly surveys to monitor children’s health. The “on purpose” survey did not define gratitude; Clark said parents had to bring their own interpretation of the word.

The survey report also provided five strategies for fostering gratitude in children, including giving thanks, talking about gratitude, helping with family chores, volunteering, and donating.

Behavior modeling

Expressing gratitude can improve the mental health of both children and adults, according to studies. But kids don’t develop gratitude automatically: Parents need to model and strategize to teach kids these behaviors, Clark said. Volunteering and community service can help children see why they should be grateful and what they can do for others, according to the report.

Emily Conder, research scientist and doctoral student in the department of psychology and human development at Vanderbilt University, published a study on how children can develop negative prejudices towards people after hearing negative words. Children can also model behaviors from indirect sources.

“It is important to remember as parents that modeling comes from you and also from what is on television and what you hear from other sources,” Conder said.

Parents can also play a role in how children process and express emotions, said Ashley Ruba, a postdoctoral researcher in the Childhood Emotions Laboratory at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

He said that when parents talk to their children about emotions, both positive and negative, children better understand what they are feeling and how to react.

“Gratitude can be socialized in a similar way … by actually having conversations about things that you are grateful for and why you are grateful for these things,” Ruba said.

Coming of Age in a Pandemic

The emotional and physical toll of the pandemic weighs down an already difficult stage in a child’s life. Youth depression and anxiety doubled during the pandemic, according to an analysis published in August.

Ruba said that social isolation and the loss of school can scare younger children. But strategies like talking about children’s feelings and keeping a gratitude journal can help.

Parenting during the pandemic is no easier.

“We ask a lot of parents. They have a lot to do … It’s been a difficult couple of years for the kids, so it’s okay to give them a little slack,” Clark said. “But don’t completely abandon parental responsibility for the other things you have to teach your children and model.”

As we approach the holiday season, Clark said that gifts and donations are a perfect place to start. Insert a thank you card into your gift-opening routine or add volunteering to your family’s Christmas traditions.

“It’s never too late to start. Thanksgiving and the entire holiday season is a really easy time for kids to get started,” Clark said. “It is what we call the moment of teaching.”